The Pain of Being in the In-Between
If you’re feeling a little lost, unsteady, or unsure of where life is heading, this one's for you.
As a new season approaches and we emerge from a long, cold, dark winter, many of us (myself included) may find ourselves stuck in what I like to call the ‘in-between’ stage of life. It’s one of the hardest places to be. This space can feel incredibly uncomfortable. Our minds crave certainty and direction, and unfortunately the in-between offers us neither.
Since becoming sober at the ripe of age of twenty-one, I have been blazing a trail for success ever since. I wanted to clean up my life as fast as possible so maybe everyone around me would forget just what a disaster I really was. Maybe then everyone would respect me and no longer think I was the just ‘troubled teen’ from a good family. Maybe then I would no longer feel like the black sheep of the family compared to my high achieving sibling and parents. Maybe then I would learn to love myself, and be proud. Maybe, just maybe, I would out-run my brain and get to this mystical ‘destination point’ where all my successes and achievements would allow me to finally rest and take comfort in my hard work.
And as beautiful as goals, milestones, and achievements can be; they are rarely the answer to our biggest problem: the overworking monkey mind. The mind that latches on to outside things and makes you believe that once you land the job; dream partner; weight loss goal; or savings goal; just maybe then you will be okay.
The fundamental truth of it all is that we are already okay. But what we really need to do is to get more okay when we are not just doing and moving. When we are not only achieving or chasing. When we are just 'being' and existing in the messy in-between of life; one of the most difficult places for people accustomed to living in survival mode; over-achievers; or doers can be.
Here's why the in-between is one of the hardest places to be; and what you may be experiencing:
🤍It’s that aching space after the letting go, but before the becoming.
🤍Where things have ended; but nothing new has fully begun.
🤍It’s the silence after the breakup.
🤍The stillness after walking away from the job, the city, the version of yourself that no longer fits.
🤍It's watching a sick family member slowly slip away and not being able to do a single thing about it.
🤍It's walking away from narcissistic family members, partners, or friends who have mistreated you, but with no one to replace them with yet.
🤍It’s waking up and not knowing who you are without the coping, the chaos, the certainty; even if that certainty came from dysfunction.
And what makes the in-between so painful is that:
You may have outgrown what was… but you haven’t quite grown into what will be.
It’s experiencing grief without a clear reason.
It’s loneliness, even when you’re not alone.
It’s questioning everything:
Who am I now?
What if I never get through this?
What if I don’t even know what I want anymore?
And this is where the in-between shame sneaks in:
Where the inner critic gets loud. Where we’re tempted to go back to what hurt us just because it’s familiar. But this place; this raw, uncertain, untidy middle; is not punishment. It’s the cocoon. It’s the turning point. It’s the sacred unraveling that always comes before rebirth.
The in-between is not the typical fairy tail moment of transformation or triumph. It’s the messy middle. It’s when the certainty of the old is gone, but the clarity of the new hasn’t arrived. It’s the part of healing, change, or growth that no one talks about much; because it’s uncomfortable, and it doesn’t always make for a pretty Instagram caption.
But here’s what I want you to know: being in the in-between doesn’t mean you’re lost; it means you’re becoming.
This space asks for your patience. Your presence. Your trust. It invites you to rest, to listen inward, and to slow down enough to feel what’s surfacing. It may be grief. It may be fear. It may even be excitement disguised as anxiety. Whatever it is, this time is not wasted.
You are building something; even if you can’t quite name it yet. And like all meaningful transitions, the shift doesn’t always come with fireworks. Sometimes it’s a quiet click inside your chest. A belly laugh when you've been sad for a while. A tiny moment of clarity. A brave, small decision to keep showing up.
And if you’re in the in-between right now, you are not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong.
This isn’t the end of your story. It’s just the pause between paragraphs.
Take a breath. You’re allowed to be here.
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.
With love, care, & empowerment,
Jess 💙